School is back.
Which means parents everywhere are about to have some version of this conversation:
“How was school?”
“Fine.”
“What did you do today?”
“Nothing.”
“Did you learn anything?”
“No.”
Meanwhile, your child just spent six or seven hours in a completely different world from the one you were in.
They learned things.
They noticed things.
They figured things out.
Something confused them.
Something probably made them laugh.
Something might have sparked an idea or question they haven’t even thought about since.
But “How was school?” doesn’t always help us get there.
And maybe the goal isn’t just getting our kids to talk more about school.
Maybe we can use those few minutes after school to help them learn to notice something even more important:
Their own thinking.
We Ask Kids a Lot About What They Learned
As parents, we naturally want to know what’s happening at school.
What are they learning?
Do they understand it?
How did they do on the test?
Do they have homework?
Did they finish the assignment?
Those questions aren’t bad.
But they tend to focus on the information our kids are receiving and the work they’re completing.
If we want to raise kids who know how to think for themselves, we can also ask questions that turn their attention inward.
What interested you?
What surprised you?
What was difficult?
What did you have to figure out?
What are you still wondering about?
These questions do something a little different.
They help a child begin to notice:
Oh, that’s what happens in my mind when I’m learning.
And that awareness matters.
Because learning isn’t just remembering what someone taught you.
It’s wondering.
Questioning.
Making connections.
Trying something.
Getting stuck.
Changing your mind.
Figuring something out.
Wanting to know more.
That’s thinking.
And we can help our kids recognize it when it’s happening.
1. What Surprised You Today?
I love this question because there isn’t an obvious “right” answer.
Maybe they learned that an octopus has three hearts.
Maybe their teacher did something funny.
Maybe math was easier than they expected.
Maybe their best friend brought sushi for lunch.
It doesn’t matter.
You’re asking your child:
What caught your attention?
That’s a valuable habit.
We want kids who notice the world around them instead of simply waiting for someone to tell them what’s important.
And sometimes surprise is the beginning of curiosity.
A child comes home saying:
“Did you know some frogs can freeze and then come back to life?”
That’s not necessarily the moment to say, “Great! Let’s do a frog research project!”
Sometimes you can just say:
“That’s amazing. I wonder how they do that.”
And leave a little room for the curiosity to grow.
2. What Did You Have to Figure Out Today?
This might be my favorite.
Because instead of asking:
“What did you get right?”
we’re asking:
“When did you have to think?”
Maybe it was a math problem.
Maybe they couldn’t get their locker open.
Maybe they had to figure out how to divide materials among a group.
Maybe they forgot something at home and had to come up with another solution.
Maybe two friends disagreed at recess and they had to decide what to do.
Figuring things out is bigger than academics.
Kids are solving little problems all day long.
When we ask about those moments, we’re helping them recognize themselves as problem-solvers.
You can follow up with:
“What did you try?”
or:
“How did you finally figure it out?”
But try not to turn it into an interrogation.
One good question is often enough.
3. What Made You Curious?
This question gets right to the heart of what we care about at Innovation Kids Lab.
Because curiosity is one of the most powerful starting points for learning.
Your child’s answer may have absolutely nothing to do with the lesson.
Their class might be studying the American Revolution, but what your child really wants to know is:
How did people go to the bathroom back then?
Honestly, that’s a pretty good question. 😂
Curiosity doesn’t always follow the lesson plan.
And that’s okay.
In fact, that’s part of the beauty of it.
When children have room to follow their own questions, learning becomes something they participate in rather than something that is simply delivered to them.
So when your child says:
“I wonder why…”
Try not to rush to answer.
You don’t even have to Google it immediately.
You can simply say:
“Hmm. What do you think?”
Or:
“That’s a good question.”
Let wondering have a little room.
4. What Do You Wish You’d Had More Time to Do?
This question can tell you a lot.
Maybe your child wanted more time to finish building something in science.
Maybe they wanted to keep reading.
Maybe art class ended right when they were getting into it.
Maybe they wanted more time at recess. (Very likely)
What you’re listening for is engagement.
What pulled them in?
What did they want to continue doing even after someone told them it was time to stop?
Those moments are clues.
As adults, we tend to look at what children are good at when we’re trying to understand their interests.
I think it’s equally important to notice what they are drawn toward.
What do they choose?
What do they want more of?
What holds their attention?
You don’t have to do anything with the answer.
Just notice.
5. What’s Something You’re Still Thinking About?
I love ending here because sometimes the most interesting learning happens after the lesson is over.
Something stays with them.
A story.
A question.
An idea.
Something a friend said.
Something they didn’t understand.
Something they disagree with.
Something they want to try.
That’s where you begin to see a child making learning their own.
They’re no longer simply repeating:
“Today we learned about ecosystems.”
They’re thinking:
“If everything in an ecosystem depends on something else, what happens if one animal disappears?”
That’s the beginning of deeper thinking.
And again, you don’t necessarily need to provide the answer.
You can wonder with them.
Please Don’t Ask All Five Questions Today
This isn’t meant to become another after-school checklist.
Your child has been answering questions all day.
They probably don’t want to climb into the car and immediately participate in Mom’s Daily Critical Thinking Interview.
Pick one.
Ask it casually.
Try a different one another day.
Ask during the car ride home.
While they’re eating a snack.
At dinner.
While you’re walking the dog.
And then do something that’s sometimes harder than asking a good question:
Listen to the answer.
Without correcting it.
Without turning it into a lesson.
Without immediately telling them what you know about the subject.
Without worrying about whether their answer is impressive.
Just be curious about what’s happening inside their mind.
Raising Thinkers Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
When we talk about raising kids who can think for themselves, it can sound like one more thing parents are supposed to add to an already very full plate.
I don’t think it needs to be.
You don’t need another curriculum.
You don’t need to turn every afternoon into enrichment time.
And you definitely don’t need to recreate school at home.
Sometimes raising a thinker happens in tiny moments.
You ask a different question.
You wait a little longer before supplying the answer.
You notice what captures your child’s attention.
You take their strange questions seriously.
You let them wonder.
You give them opportunities to figure things out.
And little by little, your child begins to understand:
My ideas matter.
My questions matter.
I can figure things out.
I can think for myself.
That’s what we’re after.
So today, instead of:
“How was school?”
Try one question:
What surprised you today?
And see where the conversation goes.
Because sometimes raising a thinker begins simply by giving them room to tell you what they’re already thinking.
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